Growing up

Remember when you were just playing out in the street, not worrying about what you were wearing, what shoes you had on and what you were eating. I guess we were all so naive to what really happens behind closed doors and what life tests were really just beginning.

There are so many hidden secrets to growing up which no one ever tells you. Growing up is almost a game. You wait so many years, wishing your life away, and for what? To wish you were younger again? We are all under this impression that adulthood is going to be the best years of our lives. But know one ever tells you what happens if you don't feel like you are having the best time.

In all honesty I never found school that exciting or thrilling. I was very shy and I always felt left out in large groups of people. I put this down to my anxiety and not being able to compete against strong personalities. 

However, each year I grew another year older, and the one thing that doesn't seem to get any easier are the simple things. The things which should have been essential foundation skills, which I should have learnt in early years of school. Number one being friendships. Something I've always struggled with. Maybe even more so as I grow up. I often feel most people are not genuine, or its always one sided. I almost feel we live in this toxic place of social media where we are socialised to push away any negativity or drop any friendships we feel aren't working out. Perhaps this is why most friendships don't last because no one knows how to talk anymore. We are too busy excluding ourselves and indulging on our phones.

Another being achievements. I finished college with the best grades I could have ever imagined. I am embarking my next journey of university. This is also going very well so far (fingers crossed). No one ever tells you how competitive the world is and how everyone is competing against each other. Whilst competing, no one wants to stop and be happy for someone else achievements. Thirdly, everyone seems so bitter. We are either all growing up taking our own paths or staying in the same spot. Everyone is different and we all have our own time in the spotlight or our own successes, so why are we all so secluded and deluded that we all need to be the better than one another constantly. 

I'm so afraid of standing in the same spot forever. I am in university so I am striving for something,, however I constantly feel I am not pushing myself enough. I don't want to always be stood in one spot fearing life. I want to be striving to be the best person I can be. I've always had a mindset of wanting to be better, wanting people to be proud for who I am. I guess there comes a time when you have to accept, small steps make big accomplishments eventually. Everything takes time. Time is always something we are trying to buy. More time.

I guess the point of this post is, to make the most of every moment you have. Stop wasting it being sad (easier said than done, I know) however, time is precious. Each second we spend not doing something we love or are interested in, is another day lost. If you have the desire and the determination to reach your full potential and go out there and grab life at your fingertips, you can do it. Let life take you in its arms and become that butterfly you have been dreaming about. Apply for that job, book that holiday, take the risk, take chances, smile more, go outside more, get in tune with your body and start looking at bigger pictures. But always remember, focus on the right now. The present is precious.

"You are always one decision away from a totally different life"

Jemma x

Know Your Worth - Mental Health Addition.

In a world of hierarchy and demand sometimes we need to sit back and give ourselves some credit. Worth shouldn't be measured in how much someone gets paid. Nor how beautiful someone is. Worth should be measured in how much love and devotion people can give. It should be measured in what we give to the world and what the world takes from us.

Worth doesn't have to be measured from your job, what degree you have, or what exam you have passed. It also shouldn't be judged on what weight you are or from how many likes you get on a picture. Worth is how far you've grown as a person.  In an ever changing world, everyone is different. Worth should be measured by what you've done to change yourself, how you've fraught and how you've failed but still tried again. It is about the lesson of life and learning new paths and fresh starts.
It is about what you provide for the world in order for what you get in return. It is about being fair, seeing everyone as equal and not judging one another for being different. Worth shouldn't be narrowed into a section of constantly moving up in the world of material things. Just because you haven't been promoted, doesn't mean you are any less worthy. Everyone is fighting a different battle. Everyone is taking a different journey to freedom.

Stop feeling unworthy because you don't have a degree, or something material to share with the world on social media. Remember to praise yourself for how far you have come. There are so many different issues that come along with mental health. Mental health isn't as easy as physical health believe it or not. Physical health, you can go to physio, get some medication and resort back and forth to a doctor. Mental health however, you are left to deal with the main bulk alone inside your brain.
Some of us are constantly growing and changing beneath the naked eye. It can be small things, like talking out loud in a group of people, getting a part time job or even just getting out of the house for a few hours. Under the stress of mental health some of these things can cause tremendous amounts of panic and uncertainly, but just by pushing yourself that little bit you have overcome something. These are all goals and achievements believe it or not. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Mental health in terms of achievement is very much blended into the sidelines. It is hard to watch the world around  you progress and become when mental health is such a slow and recurrent progress.
Everything will work out one day. Recovery and people battling mental health should be encouraged, praised and made into a big deal. Just because your friends got a degree in a topic, doesn't mean you're doing any less. In fact, you are probably working harder towards recovery then they are revising. Recovery is a full time job everyday. Don't let people moving on with their lives deter you from being worthy. YOU ARE WORTHY.

"Make sure you don't start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don't value you. Know your worth, even if they don't" - Thema Davis

Mental Health Week 2017: Anxiety Stripped Down

There are many reasons why I feel the need to write a blog post about anxiety. One of them being, Anxiety feels like a hidden disorder, many of us have it yet we are so afraid to talk out loud about it. Anxiety seems to be frowned upon because we are seen as shy rather than anxious. Secondly, because It is mental health week 2017 and it is so important to be open and free about Mental health.

I've lived with anxiety for almost all my life. Its not been easy. Anxiety isn't easy. However, it can get easier as time goes on.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, unease or panic inside when faced with situations we are not comfortable with, or day to day running's of life. It is a strong desire that we have inside that something is going to happen, almost a second voice in the back of our minds guiding us away from doing what we want.

Symptoms of Anxiety: 

• Unreliability to make plans, often the person backs out last minute, seems reluctant on making plans or agreeing to do something, 
• Unrealistic view on problems or worries
• Irritability 
• A sense of restlessness or feeling edgy 
• Headaches
• Nausea 
• Difficulty concentrating 
• Needing to go to the bathroom frequently
• Trembling 
• Trouble sleeping or staying awake 
• Tiredness 
• Panic attacks or phobias 
• Being shaky 
• Going silent or "shy" in large groups of people

Anxiety happens in so many ways and is different for everyone. Most of us have more generalized anxiety, this is where we get scared of going outside the house, worrying what people think of us, talking out loud in a group of people/ at school, or just being outside around strangers etc. This kind of anxiety is characterized by extreme worry about everyday life events without a proper purpose or reason why. People suffering from this tend to expect the worst possible case scenario and disaster. This creates worry and panic in situations that happen within everyday life, whether its about their health, school or money. Anxiety creates an issue. The worry felt is more often unrealistic and an extra weight carried by the mind. The anxiety felt dominates everyday life. It controls thinking and interferes with the functioning of day to day events. It puts pressure on making relationships with people. It puts in place fear and uncertainty.

Friendships and relationships can suffer due to anxiety. This is because there is a constant voice in our head overthinking, telling us different. Sometimes as people with anxiety we get scared and we tend to isolate ourselves instead. Anxiety then wins, it dominates the way we live and how we grow as people. People who don't suffer from anxiety then find it hard to comprehend with the constant need to be reassured and often they don't get the same thought process of panic and worry we do.

As humans we almost feel anxiety is a natural state of thinking. However it is not a natural thought process. We don't implement anxiety on ourselves, yet somehow we trap the feeling of being nervous and stop ourselves reaching out to the things we want to do most. Anxiety almost becomes a safety blanket. It feels like comfort. It tricks us to think its normal. It almost feels weird, and unnatural experiencing no anxiety in certain situations. We almost point the blame at the mental health aspect of anxiety. Yet we put it on ourselves. Yes anxiety does happen through trauma, life events or situations. Yet we are the ones carrying it on. We are the only ones who can change anxiety. That sinks deep within our minds when we finally join up the dots.

The truth is anxiety can only be cured and undone through ourselves. We carry the anxiety through with us and we almost complicate it further. Once it sinks in that YOU have to want to change, you will. Anxiety is a journey. It isn't a overnight process, but by seeking advise, even cognitive behavioral therapy and by making small changes, anxiety can be overcome.

One step in changing Anxiety or anxious behavior can be done just by discovering your fears. What is it that makes you feel on edge? What situation have you been in to make you feel that way? - The first step is finding the root to the problem.

There are many triggers for fear in everyday life, we cannot always work out why we become frightened or feel like we could be harmed. It is all to do with our emotional part of the brain which sends danger signals to the body. It is learning to find coping mechanisms and ways to change our thought process of panic and danger. It is growing to become less aware of what could go wrong and thinking of what is the worst that could happen.

As anxiety puts fear inside our minds, it creates nervous habits. Habits can be created through our behavior because we have given ourselves this label of blaming the word "anxiety" and being angry because we are having to go through the pain and suffering of anxiety - it is acceptable to be anxious, however we are excusing ourselves getting better and outgrowing the anxious thoughts. However, habits can be cultivated, we can change our behavior. If we are able to trap the thought or the situation which provides makes us feel nervous we are able to look into this and change the way we act.

A step in the right direction is understanding the underlying problem. This is done by finding out why anxiety was developed in the first place, and why it has effected us in the way it has. It has to be to an extent where trauma or answers are brought up to the surface to pull apart why we have ended up this way. Only then it is possible to begin to reduce our constant negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We can then find ways and solutions to turn them into positive ones.
As we begin to discover and learn about why anxiety disorders work, a lot of the fear becomes reduced and removes from the mindset. Once understanding and learning the problem, we then are able to focus on recovery. The true answer lies between understanding and growing past our thoughts.

Once we begin to understand and believe why we behave the way we do it becomes easier to change. We learn different behaviors through life, and we can change behaviors too. For example, we learnt how to swim, whilst being afraid of water and the deep end. Same thing with anxiety we become afraid of situations and the deep water. However we can build ourselves up to the deep end - change those behaviors into more positive ones. Once we begin to let go of the past and move forward, we can begin to build bridges over our nervousness and panic. We can learn to glue together our weaknesses in order to make strengths.
We need to learn to become more positive and happy with ourselves, say yes to situations that scare us, test our boundaries and learn to grow as a life change, not one big jump. Then lastly begin to feel more control and confidence. Be yourself, be proud that you are who you are, and most importantly stay true to you.

We often get caught in a false materialistic happiness due to the up rise in "self-fulfilling prophecy" we get caught in a cycle of "not being good enough" and anxiety and depression increase leading us to feel we are failing the system. - Break out of this system, one step at a time.
It is important to look into our own behavior and admit our faults, and learn to change or develop certain aspects of ourselves.

I hope this striped down version of anxiety helps at least one of you. Please keep in mind there are millions of us suffering with anxiety, even though you may feel alone, there is always someone suffering just as much as you. Believe in yourself the way I believe in each and every one of you reading this. YOU can overcome anxiety. YOU can go to the party you want to. YOU can speak in a room full of people. Test yourself, you can do it. Just remember, One step at a time, one jump first before you leap. As always you can always message me for advise, help or support. Thanks for reading!

"Don't let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen"

Does your phone cause your sadness?

Are our phones taking over our lives? It feels that nowadays every conversation, meal or day consists of somebody with a mobile. We hold them when we eat at the table, we use them while we are bored, we use them to tell the world our lifestyles, we use them to portray who we are, we use them to interact and we use them to explore and learn. But do we know when to stop?

As humans we are becoming more and more independent to this false sense of happiness we get when we use our phones. It releases dopamine into the brain. Dopamine seeks pleasure and enjoyment therefore it attracts you to find things which could be "bad" for us. It encourages us to desire, to want more, to need to feel more. I guess we get desire and happiness through the things we see on the screens of our mobiles and computers.

Phones have become a barrier for our emotions and life skills. We lack social interaction. Many of us forget how to pick up the skills to make friends, to go outside and be happy. We are almost afraid of intimacy and getting close to people because we are discovering new methods of pushing each other away, ignoring one another and hiding behind phone screens to prevent who we really are.
 Many of us use social media to express our lives and to keep up to date with the latest trends and gossip. However we have become so obsessed with trying to portray a "perfect, happy life" we forget that we are only trying to convince ourselves. Yes, some of us are out there living their dreams, hopes and goals. But there are also some of us who feel to put a false sense of achievement across social media to trick the world to thinking we live a certain way.  This is done through images, and constant updating about our lives. However we forget that not everything is as it seems on social media. We don't see behind the scenes of every picture. We don't see the loneliness or the hours spent hating ourselves, the tears or the heartache. We have become so invested in trying to be everything we aren't on social media, in the hope that people believe we are worthy. We try to pull emotion through the content we put up, we try to be something in order to feel we are achieving enough.

We are constantly in a viscous cycle of comparison. It is so easy to compare peoples faces on screen, compare ourselves and see what things we think we are missing. We connect with people on different sides of the world and many of us have friends we have never met online. We portray ourselves as people we wish to be because we have power to say anything behind a screen with no filter. It is very easy to get lost in a virtual world and perceive ourselves to be the person we are when we type without having to speak out loud. The keyboard is a comfort barrier for what we can say whilst still having time to run away, however face to face conversation wouldn't allow us to change or have time to run after speaking. Reality is you can never run too far from who you are inside. Being someone you're not online wont change who you are offline, it wont bring you more friends, it will bring you a false sense of accomplishment.

 Technology gives us a false sense of connection. A lot of us focus most of our time and energy on less meaningful relationships with people across the internet. We put on a false front because the person on the other side will never really know who we are, we almost get lost in a world of fantasy, we begin to believe these people are in our lives. But really we are trapped inside a screen. This
then pushes us away from the people we actually make real connections with in life.

Anxiety and depression are on a growing rate linked into us always using our phones. Technology has become so advanced we are able to track everything and anything within seconds. The whole word "trust" has diapered. We no longer know how to put our life and soul into the hands of someone else. We are always able to see what our significant other is viewing, liking, or messaging. We have this whole overwhelming sense of jealousy and uncertainty when making friends or connections. Technology is helping to contribute with people not giving each other attention, intimacy, and real deep conversations face to face that mean something. We are getting to comfortable with just staying inside and watching t.v., typing on social media to one another we are forgetting real life. Everything is more meaningful face to face. We are becoming so comfortable hidden behind screens we forget to go outside to pick up the social skills that are essential to live. Many of us go and hang out with our friends yet are still effortlessly engaged with our phones. We constantly have the urge we are missing out on something.

Is happiness finishing your long day of work to go home and sit and scroll at your phone for hours on end being envious of other peoples lives? Is happiness confiding in strangers we will never get the intimacy to really feel or meet?


DO MORE THAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO CHECK YOUR PHONE!

Change Your Life

"Don't be afraid of going slowly, be afraid of not moving" 

Don't wait till Monday to make a change. Start changing your life now. Life is not going to stop and wait for you to catch up. Dreams don't just land in your lap. You've got to go out there and achieve and accomplish everything you desire.

As human beings we get our hearts content on things we desire. We have the end goal stuck in our head but we forget about the in between. Our minds scream "End Goal" but essentially we are not willing to put in the work or the effort in the beginning and middle before we reach that "End Goal". Ask yourself what struggle are you willing to put yourself through. What challenges will you go through in order to make it to where you want to be. How many hours and days will you spend working towards what you want, rather than thinking about what you will do. Stop putting your life on hold for people who aren't worth it or for the reasons you believe you wont make it. If you start to believe in yourself anything can be possible.

As humans we get stuck into a daily routine and sometimes we don't know how to get ourselves out of it, yet we know we aren't happy. Change is needed constantly to evolve, to learn, to become. If you are not challenging yourself enough you are limiting yourself of fully becoming everything you've ever wished for. Maybe you have no idea what it is you essentially want to be, become or work towards. Somehow we all have some kind of aspiration or picture in our head of how its all going to be or turn out. If you are beginning to feel comfortable, or doubting yourself in what you are doing its never too late to change or work towards more in life.

Start making simple changes in your day to day life. Set yourself tasks, e.g. wake up at 8am everyday, go outside for a walk, apply for a new job, start to take risks and chances. Try not to let yourself sit comfortably in a chair without going anywhere. Begin to push yourself further, even if you don't think you can do it, apply for the job, go to the interview, see what happens. Even if it is something like going to therapy to go over the things which aren't making you happy anymore in order to move forward. Opportunities in this world are endless. Move away if needs be, become someone you never thought you would.
Just stop living in a fairy tale and wake up and do something. Change you life. You'll be proud in the end.

Look inside yourself and learn what you enjoy and what makes you happy.

• Create mood/dream boards to inspire you and set yourself a visual aid to remember where you want to go and what makes you happy in life. 
• Find a meaning in life, whether this is stepping outside the "norms" this doesn't just mean to find someone to love and to make a family, it could be through finding what truly makes you happy e.g. exploring, taking photos, meeting new people. Look into your hobbies, your hopes and dreams. Begin to step outside of your comfort zone and live with fear. Fear is essentially there to guide you and to put in place new adventures. Find joy in things you do, and learn to move away from things which no longer let you grow or serve you as a person. Appreciate the individual moments, look into your life and see what isn't making you happy, see what is, see what is causing you to think you need a change and start from there. 
• Set goals to achieve your dreams, work out what you want eventually, what path in life you would like to take and what will make you happy and fore-fill you in life. 
• Learn to let go of regrets, these things have happened, they cannot be changed, they can only be learnt from. Use mistakes and regrets in a positive manner, forget whats happened, look at what you can change next time and learn to let it make you a stronger, wiser and better person. Don't waste any more time looking back. 
• Choose things which scare you, this way you are testing your fear, your confidence and intern you are providing yourself with more happiness, more thrill, more life. The more you push yourself and step outside of the box which is comforting you, the more you see and the more you feel you can do. Take small steps if needed, but challenge yourself. You'd be surprised what you can do. 
• Start living a well balanced life, Go outside and take a walk, see the daylight, don't sleep in too late, wake up at the same time everyday and make the most of your day. Keep work and friends balanced, you don't want to be doing too much work and not getting the sanctification of why you work. Work to live, don't live to work. This is very important. prioritize what is important and what isn't e.g. put things such as followers on the bottom of your list and things like being happy, trying something new, seeing friends at the top. 
• Accept yourself, learn to understand that everybody is an individual and everybody is different. If we were all the same we'd never have any fears, any insecurities and we'd all be very boring. Everybody serves a different purpose on this earth and everybody is equally important. You are perfect how you are and you are an amazing person. Nothing about you can stop you going far in life. You can do it.

I hope this inspired you to make some personal changes in your lives and that if you were stuck in a rut you are able to find a way out. Always remember, do what makes you happy. 

How to SLAY 2017.

2017. Its a new year. Everyone's making new rules, new plans, and new years resolutions. Yet, we begin to forget the time in between the years. The months, the weeks and days where we are constantly living.

As human beings we are constantly reinventing ourselves and progressing. What we have to keep in mind is, time is just an illusion. If we perceive our life to just change as every year comes by then we are excluding ourselves from changing, we are wasting time, we are allowing ourselves not to reach the goals we want to.

It is a dangerous cycle to live your life in this hope that with every year that passes by we can just reinvent ourselves. We could become a new person, change our hair or change the way we do things. Why do we live in a world where we think we can only reach our set term goals as each year comes around. Because in reality, we can change at any given moment we choose, before the year is up, after a new year has begun or in between. I believe we should be constantly pushing ourselves to be the best we can be, to keep continuously reaching goals, and never limiting ourselves of anything.

If you want something bad enough you will go out there and get it. Whatever you want to change about yourself, your life, whatever or however it is, time isn't going to wait. You have to change in the right now, not next week, not next year, and not next month. Start taking small steps towards your goals now. It is the difference between your prioritizes and what you choose to perceive is more important. E.g. More followers on Instagram than seeing your family more. You have to decide whats realistic and what is going to make you happier. Take in order all the things which are important to you whether or not they are important to anyone else, but make sure to put on the top of the list the once which will benefit you the most, which make you the happiest, and prioritize those superficial things lower on the list. (E.g. going on social media, getting likes should be lower on the list than getting good grades)

We need to stop thinking in a mindset of "What am I going to achieve within a space of time" but we should be looking at what struggle, what leap, what jump we are willing to push ourselves through in order to reach our goals. Stop searching for the final destination in the journey and learn to become more involved with getting closer to the goal. Happiness is formed when we work towards things we enjoy or that we want. Happiness doesn't just come as soon as you've reached a goal it comes through devotion and hard work.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. - Confucius

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there - Will Rogers